A letter to my Ex

Lately I feel like the reason you left me wasn’t actually what you told me, but more what you didn’t say at all. You pushed me away, like you tried before, only this time I followed.
I left, just like you wanted me to. Started over, just like you told me to. Got happy, like you hoped for me. Now you’re sitting there, telling me you’re not doing so well, telling me that it’s complicated with your new girl.
We said we would stay friends, yet how can I be your friend when you keep me out? I try to be there for you and you tell me there’s nothing to be there for. You ask me how I’m doing and I’m being honest. I’m doing great, I’m happy, I met someone really nice and I got a decent job.
Why would you ask me how I’m doing if the answer makes you unhappy? Are you really that masochistic?
You told me I took away your air. You told me sometimes you can’t breathe because of me. Because I’m too much. Too much for you.
You told me you want me to find someone, that can actually love me the way I am. Like you think you can’t.
I tried helping you. I tried solving your problems for you, but there is one thing I learned in our time. You cannot solve another person’s problem. Because your brain is not my brain and as long as it is that way, I will never be able to change you and I shouldn’t either.
I made mistakes, but I was always trying my best. Trying to help you become what I saw in my eyes as better. I should’ve let you come to me, not push on you. Like a hedgehog you curled up and I tried easing you up again, just seemingly making everything worse. I’m sorry for that. No one should try and change you.
Maybe in another life we will work out and we’ll have that wedding we were talking about and live near the forest with our kids and dogs. But until then friends it is and I want you to know that this time, I’m not going to push. I’ll let you come to me, knowing that my arms are open, as a friend, as a shoulder to cry on and as your former lover, that understands in a way a normal friend never could.


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