Girl hate. Something we are taught from an early age, that we as girls are competition. Somehow even though we are all sitting in the same boat, we have to compete, usually (of course) for the love/desire of a man.
So that’s when we get jealous of that pretty girl over there in the red dress, or that one in the green pants and because we acknowledge their beauty we deem ourselves less beautiful, less worthy. Another very critical thing about that is that we do not only basically fuck up our own self esteem, we see other women as objects, there to rate them based on their outer looks. We take away their personality, by judging them on how they look.
So why do we still choose to buy into this? Haven’t we already given up on so many things we used to be taught? Why not on girl hate?
One answer to that question could be that it’s literally engraved in our bones to hate on eachother, to be jealous and judg-y. From being a baby and being compared to the cuteness of other babies, to starting to feel the pressure to be pretty as early as kindergarten-age. Children can be horrible when it comes to being brutally honest and just saying what they think, they can tell you they like you one second and the other that your nose is weird and so you grow self-conscious about it. And then at some point you get rhinoplasty because heck, your nose is weird.
What we learn and practice at a young age is so essential to our later well being. If we are taught to be a self loving, kind, fierce little girl, there is little chance we aren’t gonna grow up to be exactly like that. If we are taught that life itself is a competition, that it’s all about being the prettiest, not the kindest, then, you guessed it, we’re growing up to be horrible adults.
For a long time it was okay to look at other girls and judge them, but I think that time is long over. We should start appreciating eachother, after all, we’re all sisters somehow, maybe not in blood, but we definitely go through similar hardships every day.
So how do YOU stop girl hate?
Firstly, and probably the easiest step (not that any of them are hard), just stop participating in it. Stop judging girls on their appearance, instead let them be. Stop looking at girls and thinking it dims your own light. Because it doesn’t. You’re still shiny AF, that doesn’t change because someone is shining next to you. A flamingo and fairy lights are both beautiful in their own ways and so is every single one of us. Special and beautiful on the inside and on the outside.
Secondly, stop others from participating. Just casually don’t participate anymore and tell girls about it. Tell them why you stopped, encourage them and maybe you’ll open their eyes. Be kind to them, so they can learn how to be kind to others and even themselves. If I had never found the friends, that I call my family, I would’ve never learned how to love myself. They gave me and continue to give me such unconditional love and support, that I learned how to give myself that same kind of attention.
And thirdly, start supporting other girls. Buy from companies run by women, read books by female authors, support your local girl gang. It’s so simple to forget that we live in this world run by men. It actually is a man’s world, so to be successful as a woman you really need all the support you can get and if you can choose, why not buy from women?
Maybe someday everyone will teach their daughters girl love instead of hate and we will stop this lunacy. A girl can still dream.